All posts tagged Poly

Just some thoughts on Judaism.

Published May 31, 2013 by Paige

So, i’ve been thinking about Graduate school lately… Scary, right? Well, my cousin is studying to be a Rabbi over at Hebrew Union College (HUC) and suggested i check it out.

They have some pretty freaking sweet programs. (All of which require me to know Hebrew. Which, of course, i don’t… *going to talk to my Adviser about that one… [hint hint if you’re reading this blog!]*)

Anyways. This got me back on my “Maybe i should try and be a *good* Jew…” thoughts. Sometimes i have those. It leads to “more modest” dressing, attempts at hair covering, attempts at kosher, and the like.

Then i remember my mom was Reform.

(Excuse me while i go check on my possibly-non-Kosher dinner… It’s disputed whether we’re allowed to mix chicken and dairy. i say we are. Edict says, “Don’t boil a cow in its mother’s milk,” right?..)

So, as you may well know (or you may not… in which case, you shall now be informed!), Judaism is becoming increasingly more progressive. In some ways. In some ways, it’s regressive, but i’ll get there. Point is, social-conservative-wise, it’s progressing, and that’s, well, progress.

Did you know that all branches of Judaism other than Orthodox say that same-sex marriage is ok, and that the government should allow it? They each either encourage their Rabbis to perform same-sex marriages, or give them the choice on their own. Here’s the nifty little chart here: nifty little chart!

On top of that, many branches allow inter-faith marriage. Now, not all will allow those in interfaith marriages to become Rabbis, but hey, progress is progress! (Personally, i’m ok with interfaith marriages… my Husband is Christian! We’re all Children of the same God, right? ūüôā But i’ll write about that another time…)

Reform and other more liberal branches acknowledge that Kosher is due to health concerns of the time. Modesty laws are being re-thought as the times have changed and, i’m sorry, but knees and elbows just¬†aren’t¬†considered sexy anymore! Not all women cover their hair once married, and those who do just might wear a kippah (traditionally male headcovering) instead of a scarf or wig! Heck, i’ve even seen women wear hats or just wear a headband!

Things are changing. They are changing¬†for the better. Sure, some things should be stuck to. But i also realize that not all edicts in Judaism came from God. They came from Rabbis. Who, i’m sorry, are fallible. Therefore, i feel like the Torah and readings on the Prophets and other works that came¬†from God should be what defines this religion that i am, currently, a part of.

Oh, did i tell you that last year i had an Orthodox Rabbi offer to teach me about Kabbalah? Something reserved for males over forty? No? Well i did. i’m thinking i’ll hold off on that until later in my education. i still need to learn Hebrew and become a Bat Mitzvah and all!

Now, earlier, i mentioned¬†regression instead of progression. No, i’m not talking about those ultra-Orthodox males in Israel who will attack women who they think are showing too much skin or dressing too sexily (even if they are dressed covering elbows, knees, and collarbones, and wearing skirts!), i’m talking about the movement in Israel to re-instate polygamy.

“Paige, why are you so interested in this? You already did a post on polygamy!”

Ah, this is true. But it was mostly a Christian perspective and i have since found more information. Technically, that post was written MONTHS ago. i just reposted it from my other blog (which i have since deleted. i want a clean start. More on that in a minute.).

Plus. It interests me. ūüėČ
Now, i don’t know too much about this movement. i know that it was started by a man who is married, whose wife has given consent for him to marry another woman as well, if the law allows. Currently, Yemenite Jews who move to Israel and already have more than one wife are allowed to keep all of their wives. However, once in Israel, they cannot marry any more. The case where a Jew wanted to marry another because his wife was unable to have children and consented to another wife was even turned down (they were Israeli Jews).

Some background on the ban:

Judaism never forbid plural marriages. Abraham had two wives, Jacob had two wives, David had 7 or 8, Solomon had 200 wives and 200 concubines. The rules were you should only marry as many as you could handle – meaning, you couldn’t change the living situation of the first wife, and any subsequent wives got the same amount of stuff she did. Same amount of allowance, same amount of living space, same amount of sex. There was even a rule saying you weren’t allowed to love the children of one wife more than the children of another. Fair’s fair. Later, the rule changed to 4 wives at the most (the same amount allowed in Islam). However, in the 1st or 2nd century, a Rabbi in Germany (Rabbeinu Gershom) proclaimed that polygamy was wrong and banned it for all Ashkenazi (re: European) Jews. Some say the ban was “until the end of the fifth millennium (according to the Jewish calender),” while others say it was to last 1000 years. The only way you could get around it was if your wife was incapacitated (re: in a coma, or in a mental state that meant she was unable to procure a get, or divorce) and get the signatures of 100 rabbis in three countries. That ban ended either in 1240 CE or in 1987 (according to this website). Oh, and the ban was never in place for Sephardic or Yemenite Jews. So they still had plural marriages, especially in cases of infertility and leverite marriages (marrying your deceased brother’s wife, which is compulsory in Judaism).

So, pretty much, there’s no ban now. However, the law still remains. Now, people think that poly is terrible. They think that the men are coercing their wives into it. However, according to the people pushing this movement, it’s the¬†women¬†who are pushing for their men to marry more women! The movement is also saying that they think it will help women, as there are so many single women in Israel who are unable to fulfill duties as a wife and mother currently. Here’s the¬†article¬†from the Jerusalem Post from about a year ago. Oh, and side note… those who say that poly is bad because Adam only had one wife? In Jewish tradition, he had two. First, he had Lilith, who fled the Garden (i don’t think they ever really divorced because the Angels kept telling her to go back to Eden). Then, he was given Eve because Lilith wouldn’t come back/refused to be on bottom during sex/refused to submit to him/raped him when she visited one night. So… unless he divorced Lilith, which i don’t think he did (i haven’t read the literature on it, though!), he had two wives at once. Also, i feel like by condemning polygamy and saying it is bad, people are saying that Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon, and all of the rest of the people in the Bible who are looked up to as important and¬†holy¬†are wrong. That’s obviously not true! God blessed their marriages. (It should be noted that David and Solomon, being Kings, were seen as being allowed special privileges of extra wives [more than four] due to being Kings.)

On top of that, before Israel was fighting for polygamy, people were fighting to re-institute the status of concubines. Referring to my previous post, being a concubine was like being a wife. Some websites state that this is not true, but that is not the case. Here is the wiki-article on it. Rabbi Yaakov Emden said that a pilegesh agreement required both a kiddushin[wedding ceremony] to start and a get [divorce] to absolve. Some also say that the children of this marriage were not heirs. However, if this is true, then why would Abraham been given Hagar by Sarah when Sarah was unable to produce children? Sarah wanted Abraham to be able to produce an heir. The union between Abraham and Hagar produced Ishmael, and then Abraham and Sarah had a child – Isaac. Jews and Christians trace their line through Isaac. However, the children of both a pilegesh and a wife seem to be of equal standing… For while Sarah was able to request and receive the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael, Ishmael was given his own nation by God, that of Islam. In any case, the wife has to first¬†consent¬†to a pilegesh, just as the wife must consent to other wives, or else it would be adultery on the part of the husband. However, the movement is more to allow non-married couples to have sex, making it something seen as temporary, when, in reality, the pilegesh is considered just as life-long as being a wife and was usually done when the girl wasn’t Jewish, or was from Canaan, or was unable to marry the man for some reason, as far as i can tell.

Phew! i went from pretty chill to pretty serious in about .2 seconds there. Sorry! (Just a moment while i eat. i’ve been ignoring my dinner to write this… bad idea!)

The point of this was mainly to examine things i thought were cool about Judaism, both today and in the past. Of course, there are some things i am not sure about yet. There are some rules i don’t always agree with. There are things i believe that may not fit the framework of the religion i currently am in, like the use of Tarot cards (interestingly, here are a couple sources¬†that say Tarot is perfectly acceptable for the same reason i use it – in that i use it to communicate with God [please read the second source with caution… i’ve not read the book, so i don’t know which review is more accurate]. They also say that Tarot is inherently Jewish. i’m not sure about that one, and would have to look into it. Regardless, i don’t use a “standard” Tarot deck. Most people start with a “standard” deck, consisting of Major and Minor Arcana [the Major Arcana has 22 cards. There are 22 letters in the Hebrew Alef-Bet, leading to the Judaism connection], and then, if they wish, move on to non-standard decks with their own cards that may not connect to the standard ones. i’ve never had a standard deck and don’t know if i ever will. Remind me to do a separate post on Tarot, ok?), or spells (i see them as prayer – for all i do is ask God to help me do something, which is the same thing i do when praying. There’s just more bells and whistles with spells), or any number of more “witchy” or “esoteric” things. Though, for all i know, as i delve further into Kabbalah, perhaps i’ll realize that everything i believe is really just in Judaism. And how awesome would that be? ūüôā
Paige. ‚̧


Is Polygamy a Sin?

Published April 27, 2013 by Paige

This post is partially cross-posted from my other blog. This was written a while ago, and a few edits have been made.

This post focuses on the Christian view of Polygamy.

Is polygamy a sin?

Short answer? Yes and no.

“But Paige, how can the answer be both yes and no?” ¬†you ask?


Polygamy (multiple marriages) can be further broken into two groups:

Polygyny – that is, multiple wives


Polyandry – that is, multiple husbands.

While the Bible expressly forbids polyandry (see Leviticus 20:10, Deuteronomy 22:22, and Romans 7:3), it never forbids the practice of polygyny. There’s a¬†great article on blogspot¬†about this which goes into detail about scripture and how it does not forbid that man have many wives. In fact, if we look at the Old Testament, we see all over the board men having multiple wives and many concubines (you were limited in the amount of wives, but you could have as many concubines as you wanted, which had the same rights as wives, pretty much). This was accepted as a part of the culture and even the religion. Even now, Israel is opening back up to the idea of men having concubines, or women who wish to hold that class (pretty much, a consensual slave, but not like within the BDSM or D/s or M/s subculture, because you can’t get married to the guy. You just get protective rights from him).

But i’m digressing. Point is, Old Testament says you can have multiple wives.

The New Testament is more tricky. It never expressly forbids having more than one wife. The only case here more than one wife is forbidden seems to be in the case of a ruler. The above blog explains this:

32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:32-33

A man only has so much time and energy. A polygamist with the responsibility of providing for the well-being of many wives probably would not have enough time and energy left over to provide for the well-being of the parishioners of a congregation. Being a bishop, deacon or elder requires a huge investment of time and energy, as does being a polygamist. Therefore, it would probably be counter-productive for a polygamist to have a high position of leadership in the church.

Tom Gruber, blogspot

A man who has more than one wife has to worry about the well-being (physical, emotional, mental, sexual) of every wife equally. The rule for taking on an extra wife is that the Husband must be able to provide for each wife as much as the first wife was prior to the second marriage. In other words, the Husband can’t stop his one date night and two nights of sex with his first wife (or make them lessened) in order to provide equal time with the second and third wives. He has to find a way to give them all the same things – the same amount of space, the same amount of allowance, the same amount of sex, etc. This is just too much work on top of taking care of all of the people in a Church! So, leaders can only have one wife. ūüėČ

Mr. Gruber over at blogspot also said that perhaps, how people are “like Christ” in marriage is that, if they have a polygynist marriage, the Church (Jesus’ bride) can be seen as made up of many people. However, they are harmonious. Thus, if the wives in the polygynist marriage are harmonious and all work towards pleasing their Husband, just as the Husbands (who comprise the Church) work to please God, then their relationship is seen as the same as the relationship between Christ and his bride, the Church.

Now, how does one deal with this in a culture where people date before getting married? How do to deal with a culture where people will co-habitate and have a sexual relationship without ever being married, and even stay that way and raise children together while not married? Making us deal with polyAMORY (multiple loves) instead of polyGAMY (multiple marriages)?

Some would say that it doesn’t matter.

5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.

6 Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works,

7 Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered.

8 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.

Romans 4:5-8 (KJV)

In other words, righteousness is not shown through works, but through faith. Why is this? Because no one is perfect, and people make mistakes. But if you sin, knowing it is wrong? Well, some would say you just have to ask forgiveness.

So how does this apply to the real world?

A world where people date and co-habitate and have sex without caring what the Bible has to say about it?

Pretty much, “It’s wrong, but God knows you are going to be tempted, so as long as you have true faith, then you are still saved.”

Where I struggle with this is, how do we know what true faith is? Some would say it would be to try and follow the letter of the law as closely as possible… however, that is a decidedly Jewish view.

What, then is the Christian view (other than that sinning doesn’t matter as long as you have faith?)?

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Matthew 22:36-40 (KJV)

According to Jesus, the greatest commandment is to love God absolutely and completely. The second is to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Even without any other commandment, you can be righteous by following these two commandments.

Through faith, one is righteous. Loving ones neighbor also produces righteousness.

So even if one makes mistakes, even if one sins, as long as they love God completely and loves and respects those around them, they can go to Heaven.

So, in other words, both polygamy and polyamory are fine. Yes, polyandry and polyamory can technically be considered sins within the Abrahamic religions. However, if looked at from a Christian standpoint, we are absolved from all sins as long as we have faith. Furthermore, others should be supportive and loving even if they do not approve of the poly lifestyle because Jesus said that the second greatest commandment, one that all other commandments hang on as well as the first greatest, is “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”

Thanks for reading!